Take a Minute

Empowering others to give messages/directives/answers to third parties is a common practice and okay when those messages aren’t emotionally loaded. Busy church leaders do this all the time through their associates, staff members and people with positional authority such as wardens or committee chairs. But all too often this practice is justified by busy people who would rather go through another person than take a minute to directly communicate with the individual seeking a response, particularly to an emotionally charged question or situation. Whether intentional or not, this triangulation creates an air of superiority, division, class, whatever you might choose to call it. It can also become a toxic practice, distancing leaders from the hearts of the people they are called to serve. This is a sure fire way to erode respect for the leader. It may be hard to take a minute to pick up the phone, not knowing what to expect from the recipient of the call. But a thoughtful and personal response builds relationship capital and has the power to knit back together misunderstandings and clarify critical information that might otherwise be omitted or poorly translated if given through a third party. Remember, email or texting is no substitute for that phone call.

I remember a time when I was asked to convey a significant answer to someone. This was emotionally charged information that I agreed to deliver. Upon hearing this information, the recipient was filled with angst, felt unheard and asked to speak directly to the person who had originated the answer. I felt this was a justified response in this situation, yet the originator turned a deaf ear to this person’s request for a direct conversation. In that deafness distance was created and relationships and trust were weakened. In retrospect I regretted agreeing to be a part of that triangulation. Chalk that one up to remember next time.

Taking a minute to pick up the phone to directly speak to people about important stuff sometimes takes courage. It is often easier to delegate that responsibility away, yet leaders are called to do the hard stuff when working with people. The Church is full of opportunities for courageous conversations. We are in the people business. God expects us to dig deep for that courage and count on His strength to carry out this work.

Leadership is full of tough choices. One has to ask, ‘what would God have me do in this situation?’ before immediately handing off a challenging responsibility to another person. Jesus didn’t back away from difficult conversations. Next time you are tempted to ask someone else to have the conversation that you really need to instigate, pray that God will give you the courage and grace to do it. You will become a stronger and more effective leader by doing so.